her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
