I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
