It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
