And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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