so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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