Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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