Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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