Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize