if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
