I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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