cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
