the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
