my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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