Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
