Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
