i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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