his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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