I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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