Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
