No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My vagina just recognized that song.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Shame - the story of my life.
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