I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
