if you like me you must not know who I am
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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