You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
