I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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