Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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