My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
