I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
