Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's the barista slut.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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