I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
