you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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