ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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