I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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