I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
