i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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