I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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