iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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