I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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