GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The best revenge is premature balding
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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