the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
