I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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