Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
