i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
