can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
