Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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