I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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