Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
