If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
