And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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