What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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