My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
