my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
