This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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