I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
