I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
