Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
