plz talk dirty to me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
