Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize