Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
be right there i have to get my cape
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
