We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
