oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
