i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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