dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
