There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
