her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can I color on your dick again?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
