HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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