I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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