Your dad touched me again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
