When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i believe in u and ur pee
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